Stream of consciousness

You know, before my son was diagnosed with cancer I think I had forgotten (or maybe I never really knew) what was important in life. Just in case you were wondering, it is not trying to figure out why your mother in law hates you for no reason!

I have to say that after watching your beautiful toddler puking uncontrollably from a chemo treatment your perspective is forever changed. You really know what it is to feel completely helpless.

Tomorrow is another trip to the children's cancer clinic, followed by 2 or 3 days of giving my precious son chemo injections in his tiny little legs. But better me or my husband than some stranger.

You know, we were well into the 2nd month of treatment before I could form the thought (much less vocalize) that this could be what kills my baby. Since that moment I have been unable to be away from him for more than a few hours. And to think before this I would drop him off at my sister's house 5 days a week and not see him again for about 10hrs. I don't think this made me a bad mom but like I said your perspective on life is forever changed.

Today, I got up at 5amish because the littlest cutest cancer patient was hungry, I nursed him off and on whenever he requested mamma milk, brought him whatever he wanted from the kitchen, I rubbed his head as much as he would let me, told him I loved him too many times to remember, and let him wear his hulk shirt even though he slept in it, man do I love days like these.

And although I think most people think you ask why something like this happened to me, I never have, I have tried to use this as an opportunity to be the best mom any littlest cutest cancer survivor ever had! Because I think what is really important in life is to take every challenge you are given and try to figure out how to use it as an opportunity to be better than you ever thought you could be.

And that concludes my Doogie Howser moment for today.